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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

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Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

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Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

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Black holes are where God divided by zero.

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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

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O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I'm still learning from you, while I'm making my way to the top as well. I certainly liked reading everything that is written on your blog.Keep the posts coming. I liked it!

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I am not young enough to know everything.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

This is excellent! How did you learn this stuff?

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I am continually invstigating online for posts that can aid me. Thx!

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

You made some nice points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found most guys will agree with your blog.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

You completed various nice points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found nearly all persons will consent with your blog.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Nice post, thank you. I signed to your blog rss feed.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I signed up to RSS on this blog. Will you post more on the subject?

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

I like your blog.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

I like your blog.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Great info and straight to the point. I am not sure if this is in fact the best place to ask but do you guys have any ideea where to employ some professional writers? Thanks :)

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Good article, thank you. I signed up to your blog RSS.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I love this blog, I found it on Bing and I think I will come back one day, it very helpful for me. Thanks

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.